Death-it’s something that no one can fully understand.
It’s been more than a year since “Richard” died. In truth, I could have never predicted the way that my life would unfold following his departure.
At the time of Richard’s death, I didn’t know that my business was going to take off in a completely different direction. I didn’t know that I was going to fall deeply in love.
And I definitely didn’t know that I was going to get my heart broken.
Every day, I wonder why he didn’t protect me from that pain. I truly believe that our loved ones are always with us. So why didn’t he pad the fall?
Maybe he’s trying to. I just don’t know how to connect with him.
There are so many days when I wish I could ask him for advice. His advice was always rock solid. What would he say about this?
I still talk to him in my thoughts; and I know that he can hear me on a spiritual level. I try to open my heart and listen for a response.
But then I break down.
Right now, I feel like I’m suffering a double loss. Honestly, if I hadn’t developed anxiety coping strategies, I would be curled up in a ball in bed.
You see, when Richard died, I simply didn’t know how I was going to get through. The anxiety was grueling. Just like it is now.
However, one year later, I know that life goes on. It’s never the same. But it does continue.
I can’t control Richard’s death. I can’t control the reality that Mike has left. And I can’t control the fact that both situations are absolutely heart breaking.
But I can control how I react.
I can choose to hole up and die inside; or I can choose to continue to live life to the fullest despite the pain. This is my life, and I choose to live it.
Am I anxious?
Absolutely. I feel like my security blanket has been ripped out from under me -destroyed. However, I have to keep moving forward.
Life doesn’t always give us what we want, but it does give us the opportunity to grow. I’m living life WITH ANXIETY IN TOW. Are you?